The Secret of Love (1)

by Rev. Jeremiah Cheung

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Today is Mother’s Day. First, let me greet every mother in our midst a `Happy Mother’s Day!’ Of course I also want to greet every brother in our midst, because whether it is mother’s day or father’s day, it is a day of love. In this world, there is nothing more precious than love. When we leave this life, the only thing we can bring with us is love – the love of our family members and friends; and the only thing we can leave is love – the love we have for our family members, for our friends.

In life, we can endure all kinds of difficulties, but we cannot endure having no love. Love is a great gift, may we all find true love, may we all find the secret of love. On Mother’s day and Father’s day this year, I want us to reflect about “The Secret of Love”. Today, we will tackle part 1, and we’ll have part 2 next month.

1. Think About Love (Prov 4:23)

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” The word heart here refers to our thoughts. The wise king, Solomon, reminds us to guard our thoughts, because these determine the kind of person we become. Our thoughts can turn into actions, actions can turn into habits, habits can mould our character, and character forms our life. Do not belittle the power of our mind, our thoughts.

If in your heart you dwell on anger, then you will become an angry person. If you dwell on happy thoughts, you will become a happy person. If you think about love, you will become a loving person. Thoughts are very powerful. That is why a philosopher said, “You are what you think.”

The IBM Company carries a motto – “THINK”. The company encourages its employees to think, because it recognizes that man’s thoughts can change the whole world. All the changes that had happened in the world resulted from people who used their mind to think. But if your thoughts are erroneous, you can destroy this world. Hitler thought of conquering the whole world, as a result six million people died, the whole Germany was ruined by his leadership. If your thoughts are upright, even if you cannot bring about world peace, at least you can bless others who live within the sphere of your world.

We have all lived and grown up in environments lacking in love one way or another. Some of us have even experienced a lack of love from our parents. This world lacks love. Thus, if you want to have love in your life, your family, your church, you must first change your own thinking. Imagine what kind of person you would become if every day, upon waking up, you tell yourself: `I am the most useless person, I am the worst-looking person, I am the most loveless person’. You will feel inferior, easily angered, you will become a person people would shun. Then your heart will tell yourself I am really loveless, I am really ugly, I am really useless. Actually, you have been deceived by your own thoughts. But if you maintain a positive attitude, and tell yourself as you look at yourself in the mirror in the morning: `I am not too bad.’ Then you will totally change, you will turn around, and become self -confident and secure. Correct and positive thoughts are very important.

We must not take lightly the power of our thoughts. A company in China has put up the following three statements upon its entrance hall: 1. Offer wisdom to the company 2. If not, offer diligence to the company, 2. If not, please leave. A good employee’s most important contribution is his wisdom. How precious our thoughts are! Love begins from our thoughts. Guard your heart, fill your heart with love. Do not view everyone as bad. When there is love in your heart, you will produce acts of love, you will become a man of love.

Today is Mother’s Day. Let us reflect how our mothers have cared for us: how she helped us when we had needs; when we were sick, how she took care of us; when we had been bad, how she was patient with us. When we reflect on this, love will flow out of our heart for our mothers. Our thoughts can be powerful. If you must have love, then you must think much about love.

2. Learn to Respect (Matt 22:37-39)

The teachers of the Law asked Jesus which is the greatest commandment. Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’” We are to love the Lord our God with all our heart, soul and mind; and love our neighbour as ourselves. Loving God and loving our neighbour are the greatest commandments. We often talk about loving God, today, we will talk about loving others as ourselves.

Simply said, loving others as ourselves is respecting ourselves and respecting others. When you do not respect others, neither will others respect you. Without respect, there will be no love. How do we love another then? We must first learn to respect. But the first person we must respect is ourselves. How can a person who does not respect himself respect others? How can a person who doesn’t love himself know how to love others?

But how do we love ourselves, respect ourselves? Actually, the answer is very simple – ask yourself `What areas in my life are worthy of others’ respect?’ Do not be too humble, neither pretend to be humble. Consider what areas in your life deserve the respect of others? `I am a responsible mother, I do very well in school, I have not cheated others, I do my best to serve the Lord…’ – aren’t these noteworthy, worthy of respect? One time, I went to join my son’s school activity. One of my son’s classmates was the grandson of a well-known wealthy man in the Philippines. My son told me: “Pa, he is the son of so and so.” I told my son: “Son, his being rich has nothing much to do with us, because we don’t owe him a cent, we are all equals. Son, we must never owe anyone money, then we can lift our heads and look people in the eye, that is respectability – to owe no one any debt.” A man who knows how to respect himself will know how to love himself.

The same principle applies with respecting others and loving others. You must find aspects of other people’s lives that are worthy of your respect, especially those you do not like, those you consider weird. Actually, we are all weird. Look at the person beside you, isn’t he weird? You think he is weird, he thinks you’re weird too; so all of us are weird. But can you find something about him deserving of your respect? The Bible says: `consider others better than yourselves.’

A famous philosopher in 100 AD said: “Humans carry five bad traits:
1. They step on others to get ahead/to exalt oneself
2. They fear and worry about things that they cannot change
3. They presume others also cannot do what they cannot do
4. They are self-contented, self-conceited, and fail to improve themselves
5. They force their will and way on others.

Men have deep-rooted bad habits – we presume that others also cannot do what we cannot do; because we do not consider others better than ourselves; we humans think we are always better than others.

I have met many kinds of co-workers after being in ministry for many years. Although sometimes other people’s opinions and viewpoints are totally different from mine, I always choose to think of their good points, because that way I can continue to work with them. If I will only focus on others’ shortcomings, I will only keep noticing their faults and I will not be able to work with them.

In love, there is respect; without respect we cannot love.

During summer vacation, I allowed our children to sleep a little late since school is out. However, I told them that at the latest they must be in bed by 11 pm. They are not allowed to play the computer after that time. One evening, I saw my son still up at 11:15, still playing at the computer. I was very displeased, I told him: “You are already in high school, don’t you know how to read the time? What time is it now? Do you not know that 11 is 11? Put off the computer now. Tomorrow you cannot use the computer (24 hours).”

The next evening, I asked him, “What did you do today?” He said: “I watched a little TV, practiced the guitar, the piano, read some books.” That day he didn’t use the computer. Because of his obedience, he gained my respect. After a day, he asked me if he may go to SM and watch a movie with his friends. Without hesitation, I gave him permission; not only that, I even gave him some money. He was very happy and kissed me. We must learn to appreciate others’ good traits, their virtues. Obedience and submission to authority is a good trait. I respect my son, and I love my son.

3. Learn to Give and to Receive

The Bible says: `It is better to give than to receive.’ Sometimes, when we read the Bible, we fail to balance our understanding of the truths it teaches. Take for example the verse ` it is better to give than to receive’ – we focus on `give’ and ignore `receive’, especially many mothers. They give endlessly – give, give, give! In the end, they become dried up, just like a squeezed-out tube of toothpaste.

Children nowadays are very fortunate, maybe they will not understand this – when I was young, because we were poor, we had to squeeze the tube of toothpaste very hard till not a bit is left, but even then, we will not just throw it out. Toothpaste tubes used to be made of aluminium, we take the scissor, cut it and scrape out the last traces of toothpaste before we throw the empty tube away. Some mothers are just like the tube of toothpaste, they are squeezed dry by their husbands and children. Actually, it doesn’t have to be that way, true love not only gives but also receives:

a. Give – there is a principle in the Bible ““For whoever has will be given more, and they will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what they have will be taken from them.” (Matt 25:29) Therefore, if you want to be loved, you must learn to give love; the more you give, the more will come back to you. Love is like playing softball – when you throw it out, it will return to you. Our problem is we attach too many conditions when giving love. We think: `if you love me, then I will love you.’ We wait for others to take the first step. This is what many people are like – they rarely experience love because they keep waiting for others to love them.

There is a song that says: `when you start singing, I will start playing the piano.’ Actually, the opposite is true, when we hear music, we will begin to sing. Thus, if you want to be loved, you must learn to take the initiative, and not wait for others to come and love you. Matthew 7:12 “So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.”

This is what we call the Golden Rule. You treat others the way you want them to treat you. If you want the opposite person to smile, you must first smile back. If you want him to treat you well, first treat him well. This principle seems very similar to Confucius’ do not do to others what you do not want others to do to you. If you do not want others to hurt you, don’t hurt them; if you don’t want others to hate you, don’t hate them. But actually, Confucius speaks from the negative side, Jesus spoke it from the positive aspect – do to others what you want others to do to you. The ultimate result of Confucius’ rule is world peace; because if you do not hurt others, others will not hurt you, then there is world peace. However, with that, there can be no relationship between and among men. If I don’t bother you, neither will you bother me. We can actually have no contact or interaction at all. But Jesus’ Golden Rule is higher, it not only can result in world peace, the world will be filled with love. Our world will become a world of love.

b. Receive – not only should we learn to give, we must learn to receive. You may be thinking: who doesn’t know how to receive? There are two kinds of people in this world – first, those who always want to get from others. They never take responsibility for their own needs; they are always taking advantage of others; using others for their own convenience. We must not help such people, because if you do, they will only become more irresponsible, and that way, you are not loving them, you are harming them.

The second group of people are those who have real needs but refuse to ask for help. We must help this kind of people. This kind of people must learn to receive; but once they have the chance, once they are able, they must learn to give back. A life that knows how to give as well as receive is a life that has true love. In the church, I have seen both kinds of people. I will ignore the first kind of people but with the second group, I will take the initiative to help them. Unless we realize that all that we have had been freely given by the Lord, we can find it hard to let go of them. Maybe you are thinking: `Pastor, I have earned all that I possess from hard work.’ Please remember that the Bible tells us the Lord is the one who gives us the ability to produce wealth. If the Lord takes away your ability, your health, how can you earn money?

David in Psalm 23 said `my cup overflows.’ This is very meaningful. The fullness of the cup is for oneself, the overflow is for others. If you are not full, how can you overflow for others? A person who truly loves is a person who knows how to receive and how to give. But if you do not understand the principle of freely receiving and freely giving, you cannot give, and in the end you will become a dead sea, where there is input but no output.

Today, we have discussed three secrets: think about love, learn to respect, learn to give and receive. Next month, on Father’s Day, we will study four more secrets of love. Let us reflect carefully on these three secrets we heard today, and apply them into our daily lives, that we may become people full of love.