No Longer Childish (1 Cor 14:20 / 1 Cor 13:11)

by Rev. Jeremiah Cheung

Life goes through many stages, there is the period of

• Infancy to childhood
• Adolescence
• Single adulthood
• Married state and
• Adulthood to Old Age

This is also true of our spiritual lives, but with one unique difference – our spiritual lives do not automatically grow. If we do not pursue growth in the spiritual life, we can remain immature even if we are already a thirty year old Christian. That is why Paul told the church, “When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.” Stop being an immature spiritual child:

I. Recognizing an Immature Child

From the moment of birth until about six years of age, children not only need the love of parents, but more so, their concrete discipline. We must remember one important principle- parents must be parents before they can be friends to their children. The relationship between friends is one of equality, but that is not so with parents and children. Parents are above their children, this is parental authority. Young children need the firm authority of their parents, because young children have six characteristics:

1. Self-centered

The young child is always the center of his own world, ‘I am my world, I am the center of the world.’ In a young child’s heart, ‘I am the greatest, I am most important, everything is about me, whatever I do is right.’ If parents do not concretely teach and discipline the child, the child can become a small tyrant.

2. Insensitive to others’ feelings

This is often the difficulty parents face. When a child is unhappy, he will immediately show it, not caring how others feel. You may prepare the most nutritious and delicious food, but if he does not like it, he will not eat no matter what you do. When he is unhappy, he refuses to speak. He is totally indifferent to his parents efforts, because in his heart, `I wasn’t the one who asked for it, you were the one who wanted to cook, that has nothing to do with me.’ When he sees an unattractive person, he will say out loud `how ugly’; sometimes, he tactlessly hurt others, because he is insensitive to others’ feelings.

3. He wants his own way

For a child, `my way is the only way’. Whatever a child wants to do, he will do. And in fact, he wants to do it his way. This characteristic is especially true of strong-willed children; if you do not do things his way, this child may totally refuse to cooperate. If parents do not firmly discipline such strong-willed children, they will someday become their parents’ problem. But discipline is not simply spanking. Spanking is not effective with such children, it may only add to the relational discord between the parents and the child. As parents, we must learn how to bring up our children properly.

4. Throw tantrums at will

Small children do not know how to control their temper. They cry when they feel like crying, they throw fits any time they want to. Sometimes, you see parents bring their children to the shopping malls. When the child sees a toy he wants, and the parents refuse to buy it for them, they will cry, throw tantrums, lie on the floor and refuse to get up. At that point, many parents would then give in. Actually, parents must not give in to such tantrums; for once they do, they will become powerless to control these children. Neither should grandparents play the role of the good guy, and meddle in the parents’ efforts to discipline their children. Grandparents, if you do that, you will harm your grandchild. Many parents find it hard to be parents because of the grandparents.

5. With regards to his own actions, he is irresponsible

When a child makes mistakes, he will not admit it because he does not have a sense of responsibility over his actions. We must entrust responsibility to our children, but of course, it must be age-appropriate. As parents, we must not entrust all responsibilities to our children, because they are not yet capable of handling them, if you do, then you are not being a responsible parent.

6. Does not listen to reason

The child’s reasoning power has not yet developed fully. If you try to reason with him, he may not understand. Proverbs 22:15 “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him.” If you ask your child, `Do you prefer to study or to play the computer?’, he will surely choose the computer. And then, you start lecturing him about the importance of studying, and the harm of too much computer-playing. His answer will continue to be, ‘I prefer to play the computer.’ A child is immature in his thinking, because his reasoning power has not yet developed to maturity, you cannot reason with him. But during this time, the child is able to obey concrete and firm authority. You are to give him orders, and help him learn obedience to authority; if not, he will grow up rebellious. When the child is still unable to understand, do not reason with him, exert your authority as parents.

II. Recognize the spiritually immature person

In the spiritual aspect, we must also grow into maturity, and not remain a spiritual infant. A spiritually immature person is:

1. Self-centered

Luke 15 narrates the story of the prodigal son. The prodigal son was not a small child anymore, but he was spiritually immature, a self-centered person. In his own heart, he was king of the world. He did what he wanted to do, he totally ignored others’ feelings. He told his father, “Give me my share of the estate.” He sounded as if his father owed him. This prodigal son wanted to leave home. We must remember, independence does not mean rebellion. A mature person is someone who is able to leave his parents, not rebel against his parents. An immature person rebels against his parents, but is unable to leave his parents.

2. Insensitive to others’ feelings

A spiritually immature person is insensitive to others’ feelings; he cares only about his own feelings. His attitude is `I will do what I want to do, I will say what I want to say.’ 2Kings 2:23 “From there Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walking along the road, some youths came out of the town and jeered at him. ‘Go on up, you baldhead!’ they said. ‘Go on up, you baldhead!'”

Verse 24, “He turned around, looked at them and called down a curse on them in the name of the Lord. Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths.” These `youths’ were not small children. When they saw Elisha’s bald head, they made fun of him. Elisha called down a curse on them in the name of the Lord, and forty-two of them were mauled by two bears. Immature people like to make fun of others’ weaknesses. When someone is overweight, they call them pigs; when someone is thin, they jeer that he is a monkey. Does this mean we should be serious and never make jokes. Yes, we may joke, but we must not hurt others’ self-esteem. An immature person is inconsiderate of others’ feelings, while a mature person will consider others’ feelings.

3. He wants to have his way all the time

For the immature person, `my way is the only way’. If you do not do things his way, he will be displeased, and he will even oppose you. Such people are very troublesome. We must learn to humbly listen to others’ opinions. The Lord said it is not good for man to be alone, so He created a woman to be his helpmeet. A wife is God’s gift to us. She was given not to harm us, but to be our helpmeet. She can be your right hand person. Women are very wise and talented. Brothers, listen to your wife’s opinions, for a mature person is one who is willing to listen to views that may be different from his own.

4. Quick-tempered person

Luke 9:52-54 “And he sent messengers on ahead, who went into a Samaritan village to get things ready for him; but the people there did not welcome him, because he was heading for Jerusalem. When the disciples James and John saw this, they asked, ‘Lord, do you want us to call fire down from heaven to destroy them?'”

James and John irately asked the question. They were quick to lose their temper. Some people are unable to control their temper, instead, their temper controls them. A mature person is a gentle person, able to control his own temper.

There are four stages to anger:

• An unpleasant thing happened
• Negative thoughts arise
• Physical manifestations occur (body temperature rise up, heart beats faster) and then,
• Temper flares.

This process could happen within a matter of seconds. The secret to controlling one’s temper is to extend the time period between the moment of provocation to the moment of reaction. The longer you are able to extend this time period, the lesser the chance of you losing your temper. A real man is a gentleman. Are you a gentleman or a spiritual infant?

5. Irresponsible

Genesis 2:24 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” When a person matures, he will leave his parents, because he has become independent. He is able to take care of himself and others, he is, then qualified to marry. A real man lives by conviction not by convenience. A mature person is a committed person – he is committed to his marriage, to his family, to his profession. Brothers, if we are irresponsible, our wife may be compelled to become our mother.

A mother has two responsibilities : 1. Correct the child’s mistakes 2. Teach the child what is right. If we are irresponsible, our wife will try to correct us, resulting to her becoming a mother to us. Brothers, be a responsible, mature, and committed man, a real man.

6. Unreasonable person

There is one big difference between an immature and mature person. One is childish, he does things according to his impulses. The moment he is moved emotionally, he will act upon it, not considering the consequences. But a mature person will think before he acts upon anything. He will think through the situation, ‘Is what I am going to do right or wrong? What consequences will it bring?’

A Jewish rabbi said, “Psalm 19:1 states that the heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. This scripture passage tells us this earth declares and proclaims the glory of God, but only men’s lives can live out God’s glory, because man was created in the image and likeness of God.” We have God’s kindness, righteousness, and love. Our lives are to manifest the glory of God. A mature Christian is a person who glorifies God.

Physical growth happens naturally, but becoming a real man is a choice. Do you want to be a real man or not, are you willing to pay the price and pursue growth; if not, you will forever remain an immature person. Have you made your choice?