The Secret of Love (2)

By Rev. Jeremiah Cheung

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During Mother’s Day this year, I talked about the three secrets of love, mainly:

1. Think about love. Thoughts are powerful. Thoughts can transform a person. When you think about love, you will produce actions of love, you will become a person full of love.

2. Learn to respect. Respect yourself and respect others. Respecting yourself is asking yourself – `what areas in my life are worthy of the respect of others?’ We respect others when we ask ourselves – `what do I see in others that are worthy of my respect?’ If respect is absent, love cannot exist.

3. Learn to receive and to give. If you want to have love, be the first to show love; because love is like playing squash ball, when you throw it out, it comes back to you. Not only does love entail giving, love also requires receiving; because a person who doesn’t know how to receive, will only be giving out of pity and not love.

Today, I want to share with you a Father’s Day message. I want to share with you, especially the men, four more secrets of love:

4. Learn to let go (Gen 2:24)

Genesis 2:24 “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” This is a passage we often use in weddings. This is the secret to a good marriage and the secret to love. Not only is this passage about love between husband and wife, it is also referring to love between parents and children. A person entering marriage has to take a first step and that is, leave his or her father and mother. Parents must learn to let go of their children. If you truly love your child, you will set him free; for only when you do so, will he truly become your child upon his return. If you do not let go of your child, once he leaves, he will not return at all. Love does not compel. We must allow a person to have freedom to make his own choices. If we are not willing to let go, it is like imprisoning the person you love, he will not feel that you truly love him. Now, we understand more clearly why God gave man free will. It is because God loves us that he gives us freedom to make our own choices. We may obey him, or we may disobey him. For this reason, some people return to the Lord and some never return. Those who return, that is you and me, do so because we have come to truly understand His love for us. True love lets go.

Letting go also means letting go of our anger, prejudices and hatred. When we bear hatred or prejudice against others, love cannot flow from us. When Jesus was on earth, the teachers of the Law and the Pharisees often criticized him, saying that he befriended sinners, tax collectors and prostitutes.

The best illustration can be found in Luke 7. While Jesus was having dinner at Simon the Pharisees’ house, a woman (a prostitute) came. As she stood behind him, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them. The Pharisee said to himself, “If this man were a prophet, he would know who is touching him and what kind of woman she is—that she is a sinner.” The Pharisee was thinking that if Jesus was truly a prophet, thus a holy man, he would not have allowed the woman to do what she was doing, because she was a sinner. This is discrimination.

For the Pharisees, sinners are filthy, and they did not want any kind of contact with these people. Do you see the irony here? If holy men are unwilling to associate with sinners, how can sinners, who don’t even know what holiness is, become holy! We often are prejudiced towards people; for instance, we see all black people as crooks, we believe women are bad drivers, that Jews are stingy, Filipinos are stupid…these are biases. These can affect our ability to love, so we must learn to let go of them.

5. Learn to Express Your Feelings (Eccl 3:7)

There is a time to be silent and a time to speak. We must learn to balance these two. We shouldn’t speak when it is time to be silent, but neither should we remain silent when speaking up is necessary. For many, especially Chinese males, it is not a problem of loving, but of expressing their love. Many Chinese men keep their love to themselves. That is why we have the love song “The Moon Represents My Heart”. The song says: `You ask me how much I love you, the moon represents my heart.’ Brothers, maybe you are a husband, you are a father, let me ask you “When did you last tell your wife and your children that you love them?” But you argue, ` I am not used to doing that.’ You are not used to it because you don’t do it often enough. Yet, I am not saying you should do so every day. I read a book which says that a husband must tell his wife he loves her at least three times a day. I tell you that is nonsense. Do not turn `I love you’ into an empty phrase, wherein the one who utters it doesn’t feel it and neither does the hearer. It is better to say it less often but to mean it every time. Tell your wife, your husband, `I love you’; tell your children, `I love you’, and with sincerity, then the hearer will be moved.

A book I read says that the five most important words are: `I thought you were wonderful’; the four most important words are: `What do you think?’; the three most important words: `Please, excuse me’; the two most important words:` Thank you’ and the single most important word: `You’.

Actually, this is a simple principle, but we often neglect it. My parents weren’t good at expressing their feelings. Although they did, I had little experience hearing them say such things as `I love you, or you’re great.’ But I have one vivid memory of my father telling someone in front of me that I was a very filial son. When I heard it, I was very happy. Then, there was once, I garnered third honour in class; I also joined the track and field competition in school and got the first prize for three competitions: a 60 meter, 200 meter, and a 400 meter relay race. Because I got 3 first prizes, I became the overall champion. When I took home my report card and medal, my mother was very happy and said, “You are good in everything, a master of pen and sword.” I was ecstatic. We must learn to express our feelings. If you want to encourage, say it aloud; if you want to commend the person, tell him so. If you don’t say it today, when will you say it? Let people know you love them, let them know you appreciate them.

6. Learn to Show Some Passion (Rev. 2:4)

“Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken the love you had at first.” In this verse, the Lord is rebuking the Church in Ephesus. They had lost their first love. It was not that they did not love the Lord, but their love had waned. Their passion for the Lord had gradually faded away.

Isn’t this the problem with many families, husbands and wives, parents and children? We have lost our passion. Do you know what the Chinese character for discouragement means? It means to put a lid over a fire, and so the fire slowly gets extinguished. That is how our love for others dies out. Thus, we must fuel love’s fire in order to keep our passion burning. There was a song that was very popular many years ago with the following lyrics: “My passion is like a fire. It kindles the whole desert. The sun would even hide from me when it sees me. It would even be afraid of the fire of my love.” Of course, we shouldn’t show such intense passion that we scare our loved ones away. An appropriate expression of love is good and right. Where however does passion come from?

What are some things that have stirred your passion? Are you passionate about your work? Do you feel passionate about your faith? Are you passionate about your sports? If you don’t feel any passion for these things, then you are working simply for your pay; faith for you is only so that you may gain salvation; you exercise only for health reasons; you are very pitiful. Going to work becomes a daily pressure; especially on Mondays, because you have to go back to work again. If you have faith because you only want to be saved, coming to church each Sunday would be burdensome. It would be an agony for you to listen for forty minutes to the pastor’s sermon. If you exercise simply for health reasons, your exercise is very tiresome.

But it doesn’t have to be so. I am a pastor, preaching is one of my most important tasks. If I consider preaching mere work, preaching will become an encumbrance for me. Every Sunday, I will say to myself: `Oh no, I have to preach again.’ But preaching is not a heavy load for me, preaching is my passion. I love to preach.

Pressure and burden seem similar at first glance, but they are different. Pressure is something you want to remove, but burden is not something you would want to get rid of. When Isaac was two years old, I brought him to Hong Kong. I love to look at computer gadgets, so I brought him to a computer mall. Since he was only two, before long he complained that he was tired and wanted me to carry him and so I did. Soon, he fell asleep. I carried him around the mall for almost two hours. Suddenly, a shop keeper told me he has seen me carrying my child around for two hours, he commented, “How difficult that must be!” But I smiled because for me my child was not a pressure, but a burden. Now do you understand?

Faith is not only for attaining salvation, faith is a relationship between God and myself. I love to worship the Lord. I exercise not only for health’ sake; exercise is an enjoyment for me. Do you understand? Passion comes from interest and enjoyment. I would like to remind the fathers here today, since it is Father’s Day: Discover the loveable aspects of your wife and children, then they will continue to capture your interest. If not, the relationship between husband and wife may turn into any of these three possibilities: 1. You respect each other like guests 2. You respect each other like ice 3. You respect each other like soldiers. Which one do you want?!

7. Learn to Trust (1Cor 13:7)

1 Corinthians 13 is a love psalm. The Bible tells us love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. One thing that makes love special is the element of trust. However, `always trusts’ doesn’t mean we believe everything people say. Proverbs 14:15 “The simple believe anything, but the prudent give thought to their steps.” We must not believe everything, but neither should we doubt everything, especially within family relationships. Recall what made you willing to marry your spouse. I hope it was for only one reason, and that is love. There is trust in love.

Since the first day we were married until today (which is almost 20 years already), my wife and I had always shared bank accounts. When I went to Hong Kong to open an account there, I made it a point to include her name in that account. That is what it means to trust each other. When trust is lost between two people, the relationship becomes tense, full of doubting and fear; because the parties involved have lost a sense of security. Let me give you an example that will help you understand: If one day, someone told me that Pedro or Alex is saying bad things about me behind my back, I will immediately tell him, “Don’t speak nonsense, because I completely believe that they will not speak ill of me behind my back.” However, if I believe the person, my relationship with them will immediately become tense and full of doubting. Love will vanish. Turning it around, when someone trusts us, we must never betray their trust; for when people find out you have betrayed them, you lose your credibility, then how will they trust you again?

Romans 3:4 “Let God be true, and every human being a liar.” God is true. Jesus said again and again in the Gospel of John, “I tell you the truth…” Jesus’ words are true. But human beings are liars. I am not belittling any man, but there is no one who is true in this world. Your husband isn’t 100% truthful, he certainly has some things he hasn’t told you completely; your wife isn’t 100% true, there are things she must not have told you. I am not telling to go home and pick a fight with your spouse. It takes some form of art to keep a marriage. Sometimes I know there are things my wife doesn’t tell me, I am not ignorant but I pretend not to know, because it is not a big issue. Actually, there are some things I don’t tell her either. But what I want to say is: God alone is true. Your husband cannot be trusted, your wife cannot be trusted, your pastor cannot be trusted, your leader cannot be trusted; but I continue to trust my wife, my co-worker, because I trust in God. That is why I trust my wife, my children, my church. What do I mean?

1Cor 1:2 “….our Lord Jesus Christ—their Lord and ours” What does this verse mean? All of God’s abundance are in Christ. When we have Christ, we have the abundance of Christ. God’s righteousness, God’s wisdom, God’s holiness, God’s love, God’s power are in Christ. When we have Christ, we have God’s righteousness, wisdom, holiness, love and power. And we must remember, Christ is mine, and Christ is his, too. The weakest person in church has hope, because Christ is his. One day, when he truly understands that Christ is his, when he learns to partake of what he has in Christ, his life will experience an amazing transformation. That is why we must not look down on any one, because Christ is mine, Christ is also his. Brothers and sisters, Christ is your husband’s, Christ is your wife’s, Christ is your children’s. Do not lose hope over your husband. Christ is true, so, I believe my wife is true, my children are true.

Brothers and sisters, we must establish our faith, hope and love upon the Lord, because He is the author and finisher of our faith. He is the source of our love. John said we love because God loved us first. Love comes from Him. He is the origin of love. He is our only hope; without Him, we lose our hope. Actually, the secret of love is nothing unique – return to God, because God is the source of faith, hope and love.